This has been quite a week. My brain has been on overload. I'm going through training at work for my new customer service position. To say the least, my brain has been worked to the bone...if that's possible.
A few years ago, my middle child gave me the painting, seen above, that she created. I love it... not only because it was created by my daughter, but because it evokes feelings in me that I have a difficult time expressing.
Recently, I have been on a mission to challenge myself to do things I wouldn't ordinarily do. I don't know why...maybe, it's because I'm getting older and time is running out...maybe, it's because this last year has been a challenge and I feel like if I don't continue to learn and grow...I will be left behind.
Anyway, this painting has been especially comforting to me, because somehow, it expresses how I feel on the inside, full of fear and determination, at the same time. Somehow, like the painting, there is beauty in chaos.
One way or another, I cannot hide what goes on inside of me. When I'm afraid I tend to cry a lot. That just seems to be the way it is with me. If I try to suppress the tears, I break out in hives. My body just won't lie.
By boss asked me, "what's the worse thing that can happen?" My husband asks me the same thing. It's a great question when you're trying to overcome your fears, unless you're me. That question takes me down a very dark road, because with an imagination like mine, it could lead to anywhere.
Am I making any sense?
One thing I'm not is a quitter...and believe me, I've come very close to quitting this week. I've always done things the easy way, and I'm thinking, maybe that's not such a good idea anymore.
Maybe it's time for me to grow up and overcome a few road blocks, move a few mountains, see what exactly it is I'm made of.
Some of my mother's final words were "life is about love and art... love and art". I wouldn't want her to look down and tell me I'm "a piece of work", but I would like her to think of my life as art in progress.
10 comments:
mom,
you are a dear, dear soul. your honesty has such a refreshing effect. and it's so interesting to hear what the painting means to you. i never knew. i'm trying to think back on what was happening in my life when i created it, but i can't remember. now it has a new story. your story. you inspire me, mom.
Good luck girl...I think we all feel like that at some point in our lives...great painting that your daughter did for you...Many blessings to you this year...hugs and smiles Gl♥ria
Thanks angel girl. Happy New Year to a beautiful mind.
I can very much relate to what you are saying Kathy. That's is how I am..if I don't face things my body wears the stress. I don't get hives but I have aching shoulders and chest. Like you say, our bodies don't lie.
It will get easier. My mom use to tell me it takes a good 2 weeks to adjust to a job...hopefully it has not been 2 weeks since you started this new position.
Kathy, I think we can all feel fearful at times, but I know in my heart that you CAN do this new job! You can! You are made of some strong stuff, and like that painting, the swirling is, indeed, beauty. I have faith in you. Keep on keeping on, and don't quit. Remember learning to ride a bike? This is the same! You CAN do it! And when you do, it is such sweet satisfaction!
XO,
Sheila :-)
You are definately a work of art in progress! Thank you for your transparancy.... ~ Violet
I am one of those who wears her heart in her tearducts too. Recently when I expressed to a friend how frusterated I was with my tendency to cry she told me that to express feelings in such a way is truly a gift from God.
Even your painting made me misty because I could see the love.
you are making perfect sense! thankyou for your candid honesty, it is so refreshing and human, one thing for sure, you are an excellent communicator!
love you!!!
Kathleen dear, I loved reading about your painting, how it inspires, and how you feel looking at it. Your daughter is very sweet to have painted it for you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. And yes I do feel that way sometimes too. And it is hard to put into words. Bless you my dear.
Debi xo
http://whatscookninjunk.blogspot.com/
You are a strong woman Kathleen! I know you can do what you are wanting to do. Good luck with it.
The painting is beautiful. Love the vibrant colors. ~Lovely!
Stay warm! ~Melissa :)
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